Author: Muiriosa
Rating: Nc-17
Pairing: Fuffy
Authors Notes: This was my first story, sent into a Yahoo group not that long ago, so maybe one or two have already ready it *shrug* said I'd throw it here as well. ***text*** denotes flashback.
Disclaimer: Not mine, characters belong to Joss Whedon, UPN, and god knows who else!
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"Just give me a little time."
You say it so quietly and sincerely, that I almost believe you,
almost, but I have heard that line too many times to start believing
it now. But god, how I want to believe it, I want to believe that
when you are in my arms, that its really me that you are with. That
you are here, just being with me, not thinking of him.
But I gave up hoping for that a long time ago, he is always here.
When I touch you, you think of him.
When I kiss you, you think of him.
When you shudder beneath me, you think of him.
I gently slide my fingers down your face, down to your neck, barely
touching you at all, my fingertips slightly grazing your shoulders. I
want you even now, when I know that things will never be ok between
us. I want to kiss you so gently that you will forget about his hard
and cold mouth that never had a right to kiss you. So I try.
You moan softly, but I look deeply into your almost-black eyes, eyes
that I often fall into, and I know that you aren't here with me. They
have a far-away daze to them, and I know that you are on a bed, just
not mine.
How is it that a dead man has such power over us now?
But, if you can pretend, so can I.
And I lean down, and I pull your mouth to my own, and I just pretend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The kiss that started off as a mere touching of lips has quickly
become the mashing of mouths, there is an underlying desperation that
I have never felt before, as if we are both trying to get rid of his
scent, that should have been erased long ago.
***The man walked into the room, dressed in nothing but a pair of off-
white boxers. He made his way over to the bed where a small girl with
dark hair was clutching a small blonde doll as if her life depended
on it***
I move my lips down her neck, and I suck and nip at her sensitive
pulse point, wanted to mark her, and show the world that she is mine,
and no one else's.
She is moaning softly as I move further down her body, and I quickly
capture a nipple in my mouth, and suck. I can feel her nails of my
back tearing into my skin, but what I feel is an exquisite kind of
pain, one that will leave the lingering marks of reds marks on my
back, that shows that she was here with me.
***He reached the bed, and pulled down the covers roughly, exposing
the girl who was pretending to be asleep***
Everything is more urgent now; I can feel her hands move up to my
head, urging me down to place that has been calling for my touch from
the very first minute that I touched her.
Usually, I would tease her, but neither one of us can wait this time,
so I kiss my way down her toned stomach, until I meet the soft nestle
of curls there.
I blow softly, and her whole body bucks upwards, trying to be touched
by something more than an exhalation of hot air. I lower my mouth
onto her clit, and just leave it there, there is no sucking or
licking, just the slightest amount of pressure so that she knows that
it is there, but I am offering no relief.
***"Daddy's home" he said gruffly, and his breath was foul with the
smell of cheap drink, and even cheaper women. ***
She quickly takes of that problem as she starts to move against my
mouth, and her hands on the back of my head are giving her the amount
of pressure that she wants. She is fully in control, and that is how
we both want it.
***"Show your Daddy that you love him," he said as he fumbled with
the front of his boxers with one hand, as the other hand pulled
at the little girls nightie***
She's pulling more desperately at the back of my head now, and I know
that she is close to the edge, so without warning I push two fingers
into her pussy, and I pump them in and out until I feel her inner
walls clench and tighten around my now soaked fingers.
I can hear her gasp out my name softly, and it never fails to
surprise me that she could be this quite, I always imagined that she
would be a screamer, but the first time we made love, I remember
being amazed by the little moans that were one of the only indicators
that she was even enjoying it.
***The small girl whimpered softly as he forced her legs apart, and
entered her sharply.
"Please Daddy no…" she gasped***
"I love you Faith" I tell her after the shuddering has subsided, and
I pull her body towards mine, and we fall asleep in each others arms.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wake up to find the bed empty beside me, and as I roll over of the
pillow, I feel my face touch off something cold, and as I peer down,
I see that Faith has let a little postet on the bed with the words "I
love you" and just under that, a little heart with a small stake
going through it.
I smile as I remember the first time that I woke up to find a note in
place of Faith. It had been the night after we first made love, and
when I woke up to find a cold spot in the bed where Faith had been, I
panicked, but when I found that little note with the small spidery
writing of Faith's with the words:
"A hungry slayer is a cranky slayer. Just getting us some breakfast"
Again, with the heart and stake, my worries disappeared, and in their
place there was a warmth that I had never felt before, it was as if
that tiny and somewhat insignificant note had told me that the night
before had really happened, and that I wasn't about to wake up from
one of my more pleasant dreams.
I suddenly realise that I can hear the shower, and I toy with the
idea of joining Faith, but instead, I decide to surprise her, and
bring up some breakfast for us after she has finished with her shower.
I head down to the kitchen to make up a batch of pancakes, because I
know that although Faith will never admit that she likes them, she
does, and she likes to throw the most disgusting things on them, I
mean who has ever heard of pancakes, chocolate spread and lemon
juice, eww, I practically threw up the first time that I saw her
eating them, but after 6 months of dating her, I have gotten to love
all her quirks, from the fact that she has a strange fascination with
the Flintstones ("come'on B, you gotta admit it, Wilma is HOT!) to
the fact that she has a big phobia of spiders ("but why do they need
all of those legs!").
As I walk up the stairs with the huge batch of pancakes (after all,
Faith is a hungry girl!) I realise that the shower is still on, and I
wonder if she is waiting for me to join her, so I decide to, I have
never been one to say no to the prospect of a very naked and soapy
Faith.
I walk into the bathroom, and I know straight away that something is
wrong, but I can't put my finger on what exactly it is. I walk over
to the shower curtain, with the idea of pulling back the curtain, and
shouting `surprise'! (It's amazing how easily Faith is spooked, some
big nasty slayer she is!)
So I pull back the curtain, and that one word gets caught in my
throat, because I see Faith lying on the shower floor, and I rush to
her, and pull her in my arms whispering over and over:
"Faith, baby, please, wake up, god please..."
I see immediately what is wrong, lying beside her is a razor, and on
her arms I see cuts from her wrist to her elbow, and all I can think
of is the amazing lack of blood.
I always figured that if someone cut there wrist there would be pools
of it, but now as I look at my lover, I know different.
I feel like I am outside body looking down at this scene, because
this can't be happening to me, I can't believe that she would do this
to me, I love-d her, and she what…. kills herself? I stare down at
her for the longest minutes, pushing back the hair that is
threatening to spill over into her unseeing eyes, and I lean down and
kiss her softly on her, already, cold and lifeless lips.
With a strange sense of calm, I lift up the razor and bring it down
onto my wet skin. I make several straight cuts, and then I switch the
razor over, and repeat the procedure on my other arm.
I can't feel anything but this numbness in my body, all the while
looking into my lover's dead eyes. I feel the energy seeping out of
my body as the blood flows from the cuts, and it is intermingled with
the tears that I didn't even know were flowing, but I don't care,
because I know that I will be soon joining Faith again.